What Not to Say During Sorority Recruitment: The 4 B’s PNMs Should Avoid

You’ve probably heard you shouldn’t talk politics, religion, or money at the dinner table. Recruitment works a lot like that, but with a sorority twist. Sometime during orientation, someone will warn you about the 4 B’s, a classic list of what not to say during rush, to help PNMs avoid common sorority recruitment mistakes and keep the conversation on track.

You might hear it as the 3 B’s, the 5 B’s depending on who’s giving the advice: some people swap in Ballots, Bars, Brothers, and even Buildings (we’ll come back to that one).

Here’s how each of the 4 B’s can cause issues, and what to say instead to stand out in your sorority recruitment conversations.

Booze, Boys, Bucks, and Beliefs.

And here’s the important part: chapter members are also coached to avoid these topics. So it’s not all on you to steer the conversation away from risky areas, everyone’s trying to keep the focus on things that actually help you figure out where you belong.

Let’s break them down:

🍸 Booze (and Drugs)

Recruitment is about getting to know who you are, not what’s in your Solo cup. And when it comes to PNM recruitment advice, this one’s at the top of every list for a reason. Even if your recruiter seems cool or you know she's a pre-game MVP, details about drinking or drug use aren’t appropriate for this context. They won’t help your case. They’ll probably hurt it. Recruitment is competitive, and no sorority wants to take a chance on someone who might end up being the girl everyone’s talking about for the wrong reasons.

Remember the members you’re talking to are also expected to stay away from this topic, so you’re not the only one keeping it clean.

Do / Don’t

✅ Do talk about your pets (a guaranteed bond-builder), your summer job, or why you chose your school or major.
❌ Don’t bring up prom afterparties, your boozy summer, or anything involving weed/edibles.

Think Twice

Saying “I had a two-margs-max rule this summer... it lasted one night” might feel funny in the moment, but it’s not the impression you want to leave.

💌 Boys (and Frats)

Sorority members want to know why you’d be a great sister. Talking about your boyfriend, your crush, or your ex doesn’t really help that and is risky: you never know who's connected to who.

If you find yourself about to bring up a frat, whether it’s to say something funny, spill tea, or name-drop, take a beat. Even casual talk can backfire, since you don’t know how the person you're talking to might feel about that frat. If the topic comes up unexpectedly, it’s not a big deal, just keep it neutral and pivot back to something that reflects who you are.

Do / Don’t

These kinds of conversation do’s and don’ts help keep the focus where it belongs,on you, not your relationship status.

✅ Do talk about tight friend circle, a memorable moment that shows you're a great friend, or the best parts of your high school community.
❌ Don’t bring up your relationship status, anyone else's, or opinions about fraternities.

Let's Put It This Way

If a recruiter asks what you'll miss about home, it's ok to say "My boyfriend goes to Michigan State and I'll miss him." But DON'T say "Do you know anyone in Sigma Chi?" or "Some guy in SAE followed me and we’ve been DM’ing all week" or "I hooked up with this guy Ethan last week and I just saw him this morning!"

💸 Bucks

Money talk is always sticky, especially when you’re trying to connect quickly. You might mean to share something fun, like your fabulous vacation or back-to-school closet refresh, but what’s meant to be light can come off as try-too-hard or obnoxious.

Instead of leading with labels or destinations, think about how your summer highlights your character. Did you do a research project in Costa Rica? That shows curiosity and commitment. Just make sure the focus is on what it meant to you, not how exclusive or expensive it was.

Asking about dues is fine, eventually. It’s an important topic! But wait until later rounds when you’ve already shown genuine interest in the chapter. Asking too early can make it seem like you're not sure you can commit, which some chapters might read as a red flag.

Do / Don’t

✅ Do share the responsibilities you took on this summer, like an internship, training for an athletic challenge, or creative project. ❌ Don’t flex your shopping habit, your travel plans, or your family’s financial position.

Real Talk

Talking about your LoveShackFancy haul, the Louis Vuitton you got for graduation, or your Ritz-Carlton mother-daughter trip might not feel like bragging to you, but it can land wrong. Talking about your small business or tutoring gig? Much stronger.

🗳️ Beliefs (and Ballots)

This one’s trickier. Politics, religion, and polarizing social issues might be part of your story, and that’s real. But they can also be divisive, and recruitment isn’t the right time to get into it.

Every sorority includes people with different views. Even if you and the person you’re talking to don’t see eye to eye, there’s probably someone in the chapter who does. One of the best things about sorority life is learning how to live with, and love, people who bring different backgrounds, beliefs, and perspectives to the table.

If something like your church leadership or advocacy work is a meaningful part of your resume, it’s okay to mention. Do it by focusing on the values or skills it shows (like public speaking, community organizing, compassion) instead of something that invites debate. Note: wearing a headscarf, a cross, or a Star of David is different from debating beliefs. No one’s likely to ask you about it or expect you to explain it. Some chapters might have a lot of women who share the same religious background, and that’s okay, but that doesn’t mean you need to bring it up to fit in. You’ll get a feel for that chapter’s culture naturally as recruitment progresses.

Do / Don’t

✅ Do highlight your leadership, your service work, or what matters to you as a person.
❌ Don’t open with political stances, debates, or assumptions about what the chapter believes.

Heads Up

Even if a chapter’s reputation seems aligned with your beliefs, you never know how the person you’re talking to might feel. One comment about the election, or a joke about religion, and suddenly the person you clicked with is second-guessing the fit.

TL;DR?

This isn’t about "dimming your light" or pretending to be someone else. It’s about being strategic with the short time you have to make a connection. Steering clear of the 4 B’s helps keep the spotlight on you, your character, your vibe, your potential as a sister.

You’ve got a whole lifetime in the sorority to get into meaningful conversations. But recruitment isn’t the moment for anything that might come off as controversial, tricky, or distracting. You don’t have to stay surface-level, but you do want to be intentional. The best sorority recruitment conversations help members see your values, strengths, and what you’ll bring to the chapter, without raising unnecessary red flags.

PS: What About "Buildings"?

If you’ve heard the "5 B’s" version, you might be wondering what Buildings is doing on the list (or Brownstones if it's a city school). It refers to sorority housing, and here’s the deal:

On some campuses, not every chapter has a house, or any chapters at all. Or maybe recruitment takes place in a neutral shared space instead of sorority houses. Asking questions like “Do you have a house?” or “How many people live in your house?” can unintentionally make a chapter feel excluded or judged, especially if they don’t have one.

It’s not a terrible question, but it's one of those things that’s easy to avoid and hard to recover from if it lands wrong. And while living in a house might sound fun or important, it's not what defines your sorority experience. Whether or not a chapter has a house, sorority is for life ,and the strongest parts of sisterhood aren’t tied to a physical address.

Sorority Recruitment FAQs

Here’s the short take.

If you’re skimming or need a quick refresher, these are the most common questions about what to say, and not say, during sorority recruitment.

What should I not talk about during sorority recruitment?
Avoid the 4 B’s: booze, boys, bucks, and beliefs. These topics can lead to awkward moments or misunderstandings that distract from what really matters, your values, interests, and potential as a sister.

Why can't I talk about my boyfriend or frats during rush?
Recruitment is about sisterhood. Talking about relationships or frat drama doesn’t help chapters see what kind of sister you’d be, and could even create unintentional tension if someone knows the person you're talking about.

Can I ask about sorority dues during recruitment?
Yes,but wait until later rounds. Asking too early can make it seem like you might not be financially prepared to join, which could raise a red flag.

Is it okay to talk about religion or politics?
Only if it's essential to your story,and even then, focus on the values or leadership skills it shows, not the stance itself. Chapters include people from all different backgrounds.

What if I accidentally bring up one of the 4 B’s?
It’s not the end of the world! Just pivot back to something more neutral or personal. Everyone slips up now and then, what matters is how you redirect.